10 Years and counting....

10 years and counting....

10 years ago, this week, was one of the worst times of my life.  Here is a little background...

I married my current husband Jeff in March of 2001.  We met online, on a website.  www.matchmaker.com  I was a divorced, 26 year old, mother of  a 5 year old, and 3 year old sons. I just wanted to find someone to hang out with, and just have fun with.  Jeff became my best friend.

I turned 27 in May. My Birthday just happened to be on Sunday, but Jeff being Jeff, started it 4 days early. He sent the MOST amazing, birthday "Americana" birthday baskets to my work. I also got a bear, and another basket, and the final gift was my first tatto. An American Flag in a heart.  I have always loved this country, and the flag, and what it stood for.  It seemed to be the perfect tatoo. 

Jeff proposed in June, he moved in the house in August, and then September 11th happened....

We all have our memories, and I won't bore you with mine, at this time, but to say the least, I WAS DESTROYED!!!  The country that I loved was under attack, and I watched it happen.   My priorities shifted quickly.  I quit my job, and spent time with my boys.  

We got married on 2-22-02.  We went to Vegas.  It was actually perfect, cause in April of 2002, we had a big casino party at the house, and all of our friends came.  It was a great time!

I got pregnant in April  2002.  For the last weekend of May on, I was extremely ill.  I had  Hyperemesis Gravidarum.  

(HG is a severe form of morning sickness, with "unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids." Hyperemesis is considered a rare complication of pregnancy but, becausenausea and vomiting during pregnancy exist on a continuum, there is often not a good diagnosis between common morning sickness and hyperemesis. Estimates of the percentage of pregnant women afflicted range from 0.3% to 2.0%.)

I had lost a lot of weight, and was in the hospital ALL the time.  Finally, they had to put a PICC line in my arm, so that they could give me continuous medication, and IV fluids in my body, and I could go home.  I was miserable.  

Then, on September 10th, 2002.  I was 20 weeks, halfway there...I had an ultrasound.  There was no heartbeat.  My baby had died.

I was in the hospital on the 1 year anniversary, of  one of the worst days of my life.  I was determined not to have this child on 9/11.  So, 14 hours in labor, at 12:20am on September 12th, 2002.  I delivered, a one pound little baby boy.  We named him Alan.

Serious now....

I mean it, I am going to be writting in this blog from now on. Even if only 2 people read this, I am writing it for them. So much has happened since my last post. I guess I will just pick up from there, and move forward. ******This is about the tragety at the Indiana State Fair, on August 13, 2012******* ******If you are sensative about other people's pain, please don't read!!!********* In April 2011, My friend Candice and I were in a bookstore, and she remembered that I like country music, and she asked me if I wanted to go see Sugarland. I said yes, and she jumped on her phone, and bought the tickets. The tickets were for the mid section. I remember asking her if they were good, and she said, they were ok. I then promptly forgot about the concert, until August. Candice said that she would drive, cause she knew where it was. She picked me up, and drove to the fairgrounds. I am not a big "fair" person. Carnies freak me out, and I don't trust the rides at all. But, we were going to a concert, so it was no big deal. We were a little late, Sara Barrellis (the opening act,) was on stage, and we found our seats. I have to say tht I was a little dissapointed. I like to be in the first few rows when I go to a concert, but it was ok. Candice had a friend that was down in the "sugar pit." She called her, and we all waved. Jeff had texted me, and told me that there was a storm warning. But I am not from Indiana. I just figured that they would stop the concert, if a storm came through. I was wrong. Sara Barrillis left the stage, and they were changing things over. I thought that I had seen lightening. I stood up, cause the seats were metal. I am not a scientist, but I do know that metal and lightening don't mix. I remember saying - "I think we should go" I believe that I was not suppost to be there any longer....I also made a joke about being the only black girl at a country concert, I was going to be the one struck by lightening. Candice laughed at me, and I sat down, I wasn't very comfortable, but I did spend $60 to see the concert. It had been like 20 minutes, and we were getting restless. Then a man came on the stage, and siad that we could go across the way, if we wanted to seek shelter from the storm. The cops that were standing on the ground near the sugarpit, had left, and a bunch of people started to file out. The sky was getting so black, I was so scared...didn't really know what to do, I was facing Candice, when I heard the screams, I think that they were coming from the ferris wheel, and outside of the venue. Then the wind started, it whipped up the dirt that was all around us. Then Candice said - look at the stage. At that moment, I watched the stage slowly fall forward, and then collapse.... The first thing I said was - "Oh, My God! There were people in there!!!" Then a man near us said, "yes there were!" He didn't seem concerned, or intent on anyone elses safty but his own. Everyone from the seats below us, started to climb over the seats to the mail aisle. I also started to climb, then stopped, because Candice was having trouble. Memories start to get a little jumbled here. I believe that I was going into shock, or just trying to distance myself from what was happening....I remember that there were a lot of screams and general chaos. I remember a boy standing there crying, and I remember talking to him, trying to help him find his mom..... I remember the hug his mother gave him, when she finally made it to him, in the chaos.... I remember someone asking for mens T-Shirts....I remember being asked if I knew CPR, and to follow someone..... I remember a girl.....Her boots, Her head injuries....I remember hand holding, and frantic searching, to be of help, any help at all....I get flashes of people trying to move a stage, with a mans' screams...I remember carrying a chair with a body on it.....I remember being in the Car, and I remember being soaking wet, and shaking, and being cold, so cold......But the screams....I will always, ALWAYS remember the screams. Candice dropped me off, I walked into the kitchen, and My husband was there watching the news...apparently someone had video taped the whole thing. For the next 10 days, that video was played over, and over, and over again....I saw myself in the video....I hated that. This man, who had video taped one of the worst experiences of my life, made it so I couldn't pretend that I wasn't there. So I put on a brave face. I said that it was not that bad, it was just shocking, and then I proceded to block everything out. There were 12,000 people at that concert. 7 died, and over dozens were hospitalized, hundreds helped, and thousands will continue to hear the screams...